Doesn't it always seem that we wait until something is bothering us that we tend to write about it? I often wondered why I didn't write in my journal when something good happens. Then I read an interview on Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, where the interviewer asked him why all of his songs were about heartache and misery. He laughed and said, when good things are happening he was out enjoying life, not writing it down. I have always related to the depth of emotion in his writing, so that was something that always stuck with me. And it makes total sense, like right now.
I have been going through an interesting season of my life for the past year where I have literally and mentally have felt like I am growing up all over again. Or maybe just coming into my own. Whatever. The fact of the matter is, it is often painful to grow and to learn things about yourself that are not necessarily pretty or what you yourself were even aware existed. I do not regret the things I have learned, because they are molding me into a better person, but they can be painful just the same.
The past few weeks have been interesting in themselves and I seemed to be constantly trying to prove myself to others. I recently heard someone say they were treating their job like they were running for office instead of actually doing the job they already won. Unbelievably, I heard that story about six times before I had the grand epiphany that I was doing the exact same thing. I have been trying to prove to people I can do my job when I already am. I just need to go about doing it to the best of my ability and let them think what they will think.
This morning, I turned on the TV to watch the closing ceremonies for the Sochi Olympics and couldn't seem to find them anywhere. What I did find was Charles Stanley so I watched him for a few minutes. What happened was an open-heart surgery on me that I did not see coming. He was speaking about how we often act in ways that try and gain the approval of others. Whether it is how we dress, speak, act, or talk, we are always trying to make others like us. He pointed out that many people often are in our lives for short periods of time and we waste valuable time trying to please those who will not even be around in a few years. Most times they are the ones who really don't even care who we are or how we act. As he was speaking, I realized most of what I have been worrying about and beating myself up about (in regards to work drama) is mainly to gain approval or respect of those who really do not even care about me anyway. Why? What would it change in the grand scheme of things?
As Dr. Stanley then went on to say, we already have the approval of God. Not only does He love me, but He likes me. He delights in me. Especially when I am not ignoring Him (as I too often do) and actually aiming to spend time with Him. So, if I already have the approval and the eye of the Creator of the Universe, who am I to dwell in the fear of non-approval of those around me? Why shouldn't I go about my business as if I belong there? Because, the fact is, I do. I have worked my butt off to get where I am and to continue my education in my job to become better at it. If someone is trying to slander me and bring me down, who am I to fear them when I have the Protector of the ages on my side?
I have definitely grown up a lot and become a much more secure person in the last few years, but these past few months have shown that I have some more refining in store. Does it hurt? Sure. Is it mentally draining? You bet. But just think about what is in store - God always has a purpose for putting us through the paces. I am looking forward to seeing what is around the bend and not as scared to think what it is going to take to get there. Because I know I don't need to gain the approval of every last person to do so. I already have the one I need - and that is the only one that really matters anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment