Yep. Just like life. When you think you have something figured out and think you are in somewhat of a good place, Chicken Little comes streaming through your happy dance and the whole friggin world starts throwing clouds at you. And not the big fluffy ones either - the not-so-dark ones that happen to hide a bazillion gallons of rain in them.
A few weeks ago I came back from a conference with an idea of what I wanted to move towards and somewhat of a plan of how to accomplish it. That dream is by no means dead, but it sure turned from sliding down a golden rainbow to the typical wake-up-screaming scenario. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit here (those who know me well will say "really!" and throw an eye-roll in there somewhere. My life is not over so I'll cut the drama now. It's just that sometimes you didn't know how big of a hole you were waltzing towards in your euphoric state and now you need to construct a plan to climb out.
Step one of recovery is recognizing you have a problem so i guess that's where I'm at right now. I have some challenges to overcome in my professional life but they are manageable. The goals are still attainable. If nothing else, I will have a massive growing/learning period where I will glean the knowledge that only experience can teach you. So, not all is lost by any sense of the means.
This whole situation/tirade can be turned around with a simple line....
It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect. Psalm 18:32
I tend to go through spurts where I think that I am the only one who needs to carry me and that I make these rock-awesome decisions and therefore my life is awesome as it is and I don't need any help. And then weeks like these happen and my mortality is thrown at me like a ton of bricks - I'm just a little girl in a big scary world and who the heck am i kidding? I can barely make good time-management decisions at home, let alone at work.
Life has an uncanny way of reminding us how much we really do need to depend on Jesus and how if, when we do surrender to Him, He gives us peace and clarity and shows us where He wants us to go. God is not a get-out-of jail-free card to problems and struggles in life and should never be treated as such.
Then there are times like these when I am realize I need to humble myself, ask for forgiveness, die to self, let go of the wheel and throw myself into the arms of the One who wants to, is able to, and will direct my life. You'd think I would have learned this lesson by now, but its amazing what happens when we let ourselves in and push God out.
I'm done and I'm His. It's so simple.
Someone recently told me to ask God one question every morning. "What would you have me do today?" Today. Simple. Just one day at a time. Walking in the way He leads....one never knows just where they'll end up. But there is one thing we can be sure of - we won't be there alone.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do
not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
